This story begins at the almost end, at Lila’s memorial service, which, of course, Lila orchestrated just before her death. Even in death, Lila was in control: over the ceremony, over what prayers would be uttered, over what emotions would be kindled. And in life, to the extent that she could, she maintained control, never letting feelings interfere with her success. This to the detriment of her family, particularly as her husband and her youngest daughter, Grace, saw it. For these two, life was hard, as they wanted – no, needed – more from Lila. It was unsurprising, though, that Lila was unable to be motherly, given her origin story, which was still unresolved. Did Lila’s own mother die, as she was told she did? Did she run away from her abusive husband? And could Grace live with this question left unresolved?
This is a fascinating story, in that it leads us to question our expectations of “traditional” gender roles. Lila, a daughter and a mother, is fully self-aware in her inability to mother in the common sense of the word, and prior to her becoming one, she acknowledges this. Though her husband takes on the role of both mother and father, he continues to hope against hope that she will change, but people rarely do – and this remains true in Lila’s case. Lila’s two older daughters are comfortable in their situation because they have each other, being close in age – virtually twins – and they move on. Grace, however, is stuck. Stuck in her determination to want a mother, stuck in her frustration with her not having a mother who bakes for the PTA or who picks her up after school.
But the story also highlights these unfair expectations. Why is it that we expect all mothers to be a certain way? In fact, if the story were told as “Like Father Like Father,” it would not even be elevated to the level of “story” at all. If the father had not been nurturing, if the father had not compromised his career to raise the children, or if the father had not been the “manager” for the family – there would be no story, nothing to see here. In fact, when a father does these things, we laud him, we praise him. He stands out. Worse, too, I found myself falling into this pitfall: I felt shocked by some of Lila’s reactions, I felt appalled by some of her comments. Perhaps because it has been my experience that these responsibilities have been shared, I believe that BOTH parents (if there are two) have an obligation to carry the emotional weight of their children, to manage their lives, to show up for them. And they should both be nurturing in whatever ways they can be.
On a more literary note, the book is also a fun read. The characters are easy to get to know and bond with, and the plot has an underlying tension as we continue to wonder what actually did happen to Lila’s mother. I highly recommend this novel – I believe it will entertain as well as make you think. What more could you ask for?
kindread spirits 