Reasons to Stay Alive by Matt Haig

If you have ever wondered what it feels like to be depressed or to have a panic attack – read this book.  In it, Matt Haig shares his experience with depression and anxiety and invites you straight into his brain.  You sit there with him at the brink of suicide,  you hold your breath as he wrestles with his demons and you ache with his pain. He chronicles his years of experiencing depression and anxiety and actually comes to a sort of peace with it, ultimately, seeming to acknowledge that it has led him to feel things more deeply in both directions, whether toward pain or toward joy.

I think this is an important book to read.  While nothing can ever really give anyone a perfect picture of what it feels like to have depression – and I’m sure it feels different for each individual who experiences it – this does, I believe, give a vivid, repetitive, and detailed description.  There are analogies, lists, comparisons, images, and examples of ways in which the author’s life was impaired by his illness that go beyond what most expect from what we think of depression.  His was particularly severe.

And I think it’s important that we as members of our society, such as it is today, familiarize ourselves as much as possible with the symptoms of depression and anxiety because it is, sadly,  so prevalent.  We need to be aware of how severe it can be, how invisible it can be, and how crippling it can be.  We also must learn how to help someone who is suffering with it.  There are suggestions in this book, which are quite helpful.

On the negative side, I believe this book was not well edited.  I found t grammatically lazy, somewhat repetitive, and missing large chunks of the story.  How does Matt actually get better?  Just time?   When does he get married?  And where do the two kids come in?  What role do his parents play really in his recovery?  There is so much that is glossed over  How has he been able to write through the depression?  What does he write about?

I like the philosophical tangents – there is a great amount of wisdom and helpful advice for others with depression and anxiety and for those who may be around those who suffer.  And I do think this book is an important read.  I wish the actual writing  had been given a bit more attention…

Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng

Mrs. Richardson thought she’d planned her life out quite well.  She had a beautiful home, a devoted husband, four healthy, intelligent teenage children and even a career, benign as it was.  And in Shaker Heights, a planned community just outside of Cleveland, that is what was expected of a well-to-do, educated woman of her stature. Sure, she’d had her moments of passion – she’d grown up in the 60’s after all –  but there was a reason why rules and laws existed.  Orderliness was necessary,  correct.  (Why couldn’t her youngest daughter, Izzy, appreciate that?  Was that so difficult?) And when Mia, an artist, and her daughter Pearl came to live in the apartment that Mrs. Richardson rented out, it was only the right thing to do, to support the arts in her own way, by renting to them.  However, as the two very different families became intertwined, lines became blurred and rules became fuzzy.  At least in the eyes of Elena Richardson.  Not so, to Izzy.

Thanks to my book club for encouraging me to read this one!  I was reluctant to try another Celeste Ng novel after the relentlessly depressing Everything I Never Told You.  This one, however, was entirely different.  It was so beautifully crafted, with the care and devotion and an eye to her art, much like that of Mia’s.  There are wonderful characters, who are messy and quite real, contrary to Mrs. Richardson’s ideal.  Some who seem superficial, but emerge with more depth, and vice versa, much like people in our real lives.  But the plot is what is most gorgeous, with its many sub-plots, taking the story in directions that are unforeseen, often tender, occasionally cringe-worthy, but always engrossing.  I could not put this book down!

And it is deeply meaningful. I will tread carefully because I do not want to spoil for anyone, but I believe the way that both white privilege and class privilege is illuminated is so carefully and poignantly done that it is digestible and accessible to the reader.  There is history and context and explanation, but there is also the story and what actually happens.  So we understand why, but we still understand that it is wrong.  This gives such power to the message.

I loved this book and believe that many of you will also.  This is a MUST READ, for sure!

 

Every Day by David Levithan

How would you feel if you woke up inhabiting the body of a different person each and every morning?  You awake and have to adjust to their world, access their memories, and go along with their life, relating to their families and friends, doing their homework, going to their parties, and then the next day, move on to the next person.  This is how A lives.  And A is fine with this, until A meets Rhiannon, who changes everything.  Because, for the first time, A has fallen in love. What this does to A and what this does to Rhiannon creates a very beautiful, if not difficult love story that is imaginative and a little insane all at once.

This young adult novel has been around for a bit of time (has already been made into a movie even), but I have only just had a chance to read it – and I’m happy I did.  The premise is so creative, and while you might think it would get “old” after a few times of switching, it does not because of how wildly varied each of the lives are that A inhabits .  It is, of course, implausible, but because it doesn’t take itself too seriously, it is quite fun.  The author also creates a slight undercurrent of threat that adds a little suspense to the plot, which enhances the story and enables the twists that occur.  Along the way, too, there are many opportunities to wax poetic about the ways in which we are all fundamentally similar, whether it is with regard to gender, sexuality, religion, or culture, which the author never passes on – and which I appreciate.  This is the beauty of the story, I believe.  (I will say that because of this, I am quite surprised when A is quite stereotypically critical of the body A inhabits that is extremely overweight.  He shames him to no end, even lowering to accusing it as stemming from laziness –  so surprisingly pedestrian.  Amidst all the other open-mindedness, this is an utterly disappointing moment in the book.)

I think it’s a very cute story, with a very creative premise.  A quick, fun read.  Great for the young teen in your world!

 

Nine Perfect Strangers by Liane Moriarty

Frances was sick and tired…  not just sick with the cold that had lingered for the past many weeks, but really feeling as if life had caught up with her.  With her career suddenly seeming to be turning south and her love life at a mortifying halt, a 10-day “cleanse” at the Tranquillum House seems to be just what she needs to repair.  When she meets Masha, the stunning and passionate guru whose mission is to guide each of the nine newcomers to Tranquillum House through their individual transformations, Frances is a bit wary – but she’s trying her best to be open-minded.  Little does she – or any of them – know how they will, in spite of themselves, be completely transformed ultimately, but not at all in the way that they think.

Some books are plot-driven and some are character-driven.  This book is both.  There are endearing and tragic characters whose layers are gradually peeled off one by one as the story is told via rotating narrative perspectives.  Each has their vulnerability that is seen as something that might be remedied by a diet change, or with some counseling or some meditation. (Who can’t relate to that?)   But there is also a wild plot that is imaginative and suspenseful and runs beyond where at least I expected it to go.  And by the time it is completed, you feel that the nine are no longer strangers, but rather your dear friends.

Better read it before the movie comes out – it’s bound to be a movie!

The Horse Dancer by Jojo Moyes

All Sarah knows is her world of horses and riding and her grandfather’s driving perfectionistic training, and it is a world that protects her from the poverty that immediately surrounds her.

All Natasha knows is that she has to get through the divorce that she’s up against, and it is her constant, imperative work that shields her from having to think too much about what she’s about to lose.

And then suddenly, their two worlds follow a collision course that is as unlikely and unsuitable as it is inevitable. All that is familiar to each of them is turned upside down and neither knows how it will end.  And neither does the reader until that very last page!

This book took some getting into.  Because the two main characters are both obstinate and somewhat introverted, they are difficult to get to know (and to like) – at least from this reader’s perspective.  But much like many who are quieter and take getting to know, it was worth the wait.  As the story became more and more entangled, the characters became more and more endearing somehow – I guess because they showed more of who they were. We also learned more about more of the interesting peripheral characters, some of which were exquisitely colorful.  Cowboy John, for example,  while posing as a somewhat crass, wheeler-dealer type,  actually revealed a very soft heart and was extremely tender and generous when it came to both Sarah and her grandfather, Henri.

And the plot was surprisingly surprising!  There were many punches that came out of left field and that was quite fun.  There were sad moments, heartbreaking moments, and moments when you wanted to yell at a character to warn them about what they could not see.  But that is part of the fun too, no?

A solid read, just in time for summer!  Enjoy!

The Tattooist of Auschwitz by Heather Morris

 

Every time I tell myself that I cannot read another Holocaust story because they are just too painful, another one comes along and lures me into its grasp. This one was another such story…

Lale, from Slovakia, volunteered in 1942 to work for the Germans in order to save his family from being deported (or so he was told). He, along with a cavalry of other young, fit men, were loaded onto cattle cars, given no food or water for days, and then unloaded onto the grounds of Auschwitz-Birkenau. On that very first day, he vowed to himself that he would survive, so that he could bear witness to the unimaginable cruelty that he and his fellow Jews (and others) were experiencing at the hands of the Germans. Lucky for him, he was picked out by the tattooist to be an apprentice and he became the main tattooist in the camp, making himself useful to the Germans. And in this hellhole of hate, Lale manages to not only inspire hope in others, but he manages to find love as well. His story is nothing short of miraculous.

I believe that the important message to take away from these stories of history is two-fold. I do believe that it reminds us to keep our eyes open – this can, indeed happen again. Not only has anti-semitism risen, but hatred for anyone who is “other” is so obviously rising (just look at the daily tweets from our so-called president). So we have to be vigilant, speak out, and vote for those who will be inclusive and bring people together.

But the other message I think this story highlights is that kindness wins. Lale shared the food he managed to procure with so many — and he was loved – and actually rewarded, in turn, for his thoughtfulness. He risked his life for others and when he could, he saved lives. He befriended everyone, no matter who they were. He became particularly friendly with the Romany – the Gypsies – who lived next to him for a time. Because he was curious and not judgmental, he became close to them and benefitted from their friendship as well. Through so many close calls and suspenseful moments, it was acts of kindness that enabled him to survive – his kindness and kindness from others. Kindness wins.

This is a remarkable story. Worth the read!

Body Kindness by Rebecca Scritchfield AND Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole

These two complementary books are revolutionary in their importance.  Dieting and dieting culture has overtaken most developed countries and has become a billion dollar industry.  Most importantly, however, it has probably been what has contributed most to what is known today as the “obesity epidemic” among health care providers, and yet, what do most health care providers prescribe as an antidote?  More diets!

The newest and best science is pointing toward the fact that diets cause more harm than good, and just about every diet counts.  Whenever you tell someone not to eat something, what does that person then, instinctively crave?  Whatever it is you’ve forbidden them, of course!  And after restricting whatever it is you’re restricting – calories, carbs, fat – it doesn’t really matter – after losing weight, the body seeks to regain the weight, by doing whatever it takes.  So people tend to regain the weight, plus!  And yo-yoing is worse for you than just being a bit overweight, in terms of causing more inflammation and heart disease, diabetes, hypertension, and the unwanted health consequences of the overweight in the first place.

Because let’s face it, if we’d just accept ourselves in the less-than-“Twiggy”-as-ideal-bodies, we’d not have to worry about the dieting.  Our priority should really be about health.  And if it’s really and truly about health, then we’d throw away the scales and talk about fruits and vegetables and whole foods and exercise and that would be that.  We’d not be supporting Weight Watchers, and NutriSystem, and Jenny Craig and all the others who are making millions and preying on those of us who have fallen for these very smart business models.

So what do these books say?  Basically, that we were born with the internal cues that tell us when we’re hungry and when we’re full and we have to try to reach back in to find those signals and respond again to them.  To do this, we must trust that our bodies are really good at this and it’s ok to respond to them, even if they sometimes tell us that it’s ok to have a slice of cake because it looks delicious and we love this kind of cake and even if they tell us not to finish everything on our plate because we’re actually full.  The books also encourage movement of any kind, not just punishing workouts at a gym and give guidance on how to avoid emotional eating which many find quite challenging.  And they also encourage one to dig deep and find a way to care for oneself – that is, to carve out time to really see to one’s own needs that are being superficially cared for by food but that if tended to more deeply, then food won’t need to serve as a pacifier.

I think that almost every woman I’ve met has dieted at some point in her life.  So many would find either of these interesting and helpful.

Let’s try to move our conversations away from how we look to what we can achieve!!