Coming Up Short by Robert Reich

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

This non-fiction memoir by Robert Reich is an accounting of how America failed to maintain the middle class, from the boom of the post-WWII era to current times. Having grown up being taunted and abused by bullies because of his short stature, Reich was particularly sensitive to protecting the underdog, and since he could not do so physically, he did so with his economic wisdom and understanding. He taught at Harvard and he also served in the Department of Labor in the Clinton administration, advocating for policies that in his view would protect the middle class and thereby narrow the gap between the very rich and the very poor. Much to his dismay, he was undermined at each turn, and over the course of the ensuing years, regulations over high finance and banking only relaxed, the highest earners became taxed at a lower rate, and the gap only widened. We are now left with a country that has an enormous wealth gap in spite of his efforts and it is a dismal outlook ahead.

I have to confess that I did not complete this entire book. I usually do not blog when I’ve done that, but I felt that I’d read enough to 1) learn quite a bit from it already and 2)get the gist of what he is trying to say from what I did read. While it is definitely readable, and he makes the economic parts very accessible (even to someone like me who never studied economics for very good reason…!), it was also quite repetitive. Perhaps that is a function of his frustration with everyone who did not listen to his advice -as he tried over and over to push for more decency in the policies and laws that were being passed. It was also quite hard to see how so many leaders, including Clinton and Obama, both of whom I had admired, came under the spell of Wall Street and its powerful lobbyists, who led them to pass such irresponsible and dangerous legislation. Worse, this deregulation of Wall Street and the disaster of 2008 did not teach us anything at all. Deregulation has only continued – to the point where folks are now predicting another similar bubble from AI. Will we never learn?

In any case, I believe this book carries much insight, much wisdom and even a bit of humor as it guides us through the past couple of decades of economic downfall. It gives us a window into how we’ve narrowed the middle class and why billionaires exist when the rest of society has seen little to no increase in wealth.

I would have liked to see answers to what we can do about it – perhaps how we can make changes for a brighter future.

Maybe that will be his next book? Or that is the book for the next generation to write…

Penguin Lessons by Tom Michell

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

At the tail end of a vacation from the Argentinian boarding school where he is teaching English to high school students, Tom Michell is walking on a beach in Uruguay and has stumbled upon a hideous scene: hundreds of penguins lying dead, washed ashore, having been essentially suffocated by an oil spill. Rather than immediately recoiling and turning away, Michell feels drawn to witnessing further this terrible crime, and further surveys the devastation. As he looks around at all these carcasses, he notices in the corner of his eye a brief movement – just one out of all of these many, many poor birds begins to move and lift its head. After running back to his hotel to grab a bag and other equipment (what does one use to rescue a penguin???), he runs back to the spot where he had seen the surviving bird and mangles him into the bag and somehow gets him back to his hotel. Once the penguin sees that this human is not out to hurt him but is actually trying to help get him cleaned of the residual oil and tar that has clung to his feathers, the penguin suddenly becomes docile and friendly. And so begins an unlikely and beautiful friendship.

This memoir is just utterly delightful. I have not yet seen the movie, which I know was released a few months ago, but the book is pure joy. The story of how Michell brings the penguin, ultimately named Juan Salvado (or Salvador), over the border to Argentina, is both charming and outrageous. His acceptance by everyone around him on campus highlights both the generosity of spirit of those who are at the school and the personality of the bird himself. And what the bird brings to both the children and the adults around him is so beautiful to witness, even vicariously. While the bird requires work to keep him, it is clear that everyone who helps care for him absolutely benefits so much from the honor. And there is so much to learn from this.

There have been a number of stories here in this blog that have highlighted the relationship between people and their pets/animal friends – but this one, I believe, takes it to the next level. The fact that the care of Juan Salvado became such a communal effort was of such deep psychological benefit to both the penguin – who demonstrated joy at every human interaction – but also to those who visited him, fed him, washed him, and cleaned his terrace. Anyone who came to see him literally spoke to him as if he were human, confiding in him, even asking advice. It is not a reach to say that we clearly benefit so much from our fellow creatures, and that we must care for both them and the world they inhabit.

This is a beautiful story throughout. Michell has given us a gift, sharing his experiences with Juan Salvado.

Ina Garten: A Memoir; Be Ready When the Luck Happens

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

In this memoir, Ina Garten, of Barefoot Contessa fame, shares her story, her breakthrough into the world of epicurean cuisine. And while she shares some vignettes of the challenges she faced along the way as well as the hard work and long hours she put in – especially in the beginning of her career -it is clear that she was fortunate enough to frequently happen to be in the right place at the right time, both in her personal life and her professional life.

I had heard much ado about this book, and so had very much been anticipating reading it… which made it doubly disappointing when I found myself giving up on it around page 100. I so rarely abandon books, but I decided it was not worth my continuing to plow through the pages of Garten’s self adulation. I found it repetitive and dull and kept waiting for the bigger stories that would make the book worthwhile. Perhaps I should have stuck with it, as there may have been more glamorous parts, but honestly, glamour doesn’t impress me as much as genuine reflection. Even when Garten discloses difficulties with her father’s temperament, which of course must have been painful, she keeps it, I felt, at the very surface. We don’t really get to the heart of it, what it really meant to her and to her family more than it meant much time for her in her room, avoiding him. It feels like she tried to paint a picture for us, but it was in a vague black and white. I was seeking color.

Again, perhaps I gave up too early, but I will live with that. I’d love to hear your reactions, particularly if you’ve read it and loved it!

The Best Minds by Jonathan Rosen

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

When Jonathan Rosen moved to Mereland Rd. in New Rochelle at the age of 10 and met Michael Laudor who lived down the block, their friendship was immediately kindled. Jonathan was taken by the brilliant, athletic, and charming personality that Michael exuded, and he felt constantly challenged, entertained, even a bit intimidated by him. While they remained close friends through elementary, middle and high school, their friendship took on a bit of a competitive edge, and when they both were accepted to Yale University, they remained friendly but found divergent paths. Jonathan now writes about his friend not because of this friendship, but because of the perspective that this friendship lends him. Because eventually, Michael, while truly brilliant and charming, was also diagnosed with schizophrenia, and this became Michael’s ultimate challenge.

This is a topic of epic importance, particularly in this moment when so many are suffering from mental health disorders. It is vital that we acknowledge that these conditions are prevalent, need appropriate high-quality treatment, and should not be treated as if they do not exist. And it is urgent that it is brought to the attention of the masses, so that there can be discourse on how best to address the needs of the most ill among us, particularly those with the possible propensity to lack control over their actions, even to the point of violence toward others or themselves.

This book, was disappointing in its efforts to accomplish this, however. I found it utterly frustrating in the overwhelming number of detailed tangents, distractions, and offshoots, while the gist of the story kept getting lost. Whether it was the writing or the editing – likely a combination of the two – I am not sure, but I had a very difficult time getting through. (If I were not reading this for a book club, I would have given up much less than halfway through.) I did not need to know the background of everyone who weighed in on every detail of Michael’s life. I did not need to know every painstaking detail of every historical backstory of everything that was going on at the time each event occurred. I did not need to know every comment from everyone Michael ever met. It was painful. 

I had approached this book with much anticipation. Since I have lived in New Rochelle, have children who went to the middle school and high school here, was familiar with the barbershop and the local toy store Jonathan refers to, I was excited to read about them all in a now-famous book. Moreover, knowing the urgency of this topic, I was thrilled that someone was championing this cause in an accessible story. Sadly, I found this to be neither accessible nor a “story” in the true sense of the word. It was more a textbook with a theme, riddled with too many facts, muddled by an attempt to achieve too much.

I am glad that Michael’s story is told. I am disappointed that his story is so hidden underneath so much data.

 

One Way Back by Christine Blasey Ford

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

Within these pages, Christine Blasey Ford reclaims her narrative – without distortion by the media, by politicians, or by any outsiders – of the facts of her experience of sexual assault by the man who is now sitting on the highest court of our land, Brett Kavanaugh. It is here, with a clear mind, a clear conscience, and clear focus, that she is able to communicate her backstory, her patriotic motivation, and the attempts she made to tell her story earlier in order to prevent Kavanaugh from coming to the point of being nominated in the first place (and in so doing, having to be exposed as he was). She tells about her experience of presenting her testimony and the abhorrent dereliction of duty of the FBI in their non-investigation of the case against Kavanaugh. She also bears her soul about the way in which she endured death threats, shaming, and other hateful acts against her that so many other survivors of sexual assault share – the backlash and the victim-blaming that comes with coming forward. She also shares the moments of support, from those whose names we recognize and those we may not. It is an inspiring, albeit painful, recounting of her journey.

It was our hope, at least that of those in my circle, that we in our country had learned our lesson after Anita Hill. That after our horrific treatment of that courageous woman who stood in front of a panel of old White men who battered her with ignorant questions and brazenly shamed her and disregarded her – we hoped we’d do better when another woman so bravely came forward to challenge the character of a man we were choosing for the highest court in the land. But no, we did not. One might argue that we did worse. We instead chose to discredit, shame, and mock Blasey Ford, who so boldly came forward to do her civic duty, who gave up her own quiet, private, comfortable existence to reveal such personal, intimate details of her life in order to bring a man’s questionable background to light. And it was worse because of social media, the 24-hour news cycle, and the internet access to personal information that enabled thousands to send her hate mail and death threats via so many different routes.

In a country of how many millions, we couldn’t find anyone better than Kavanaugh? There was really no one we could find who HADN’T sexually molested anyone??? Seriously? Oh, but of course we had to choose him. Because we have to only choose those farmed and nurtured by the Federalist Society in order to ensure the most conservative justices to make the most civil rights-limiting decisions on the bench. Because heaven forbid that anyone except White men have any power.

And yes, I am using this platform to rant because Blasey Ford needs to have others support her, to hear her, and to acknowledge that she did the right thing by coming forward and speaking up for herself, for women, and for this country. Because she is right. If little by little, woman by woman, each brave soul comes forward (in spite of the vicious backlash and victim-blaming that so often occurs), perhaps our daughters might have a spitting chance of having a better world. Perhaps our daughters will live in a world in which there are men who are more aware of consent and what defines assault. Perhaps when a woman comes forward, the folks in the room – however large that room may be – will actually hear her.

 

I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

This memoir, with its shocking title, was an irresistible read. Jennette McCurdy, a child star on iCarly, a 1990’s Nickelodeon hit, reveals her lived experience growing up with her mom, Debra McCurdy. From her earliest memory, Jennette learned that pleasing her mother would bring approval, peace and possibly even love – so this became her constant obsession. Whenever Jennette had her own thoughts or preferences, she would find that it was easier to suppress those and just go along with whatever her mother’s preferences were, even when it meant her doing the things she hated – including acting!

As shocking as the title is, so, too, are many of the details of Jennette’s life. So as not to give too much away, I will hold back on these, but suffice it to say, her mom was a narcissist, a hoarder, a pathological liar, and an abusive wife and mother. Nevertheless, this story is told with an admirable dose of humor, humility, and compassion, even when resentment and anger would be entirely justified. Jennette pays a heavy mental health toll for her upbringing and I am hopeful that writing this book was cathartic and therapeutic for her. I have to imagine it was.

One of the consequences for her that I will reveal – skip this paragraph if you plan to read it and don’t want to know anything about her before you do – is that she developed an eating disorder. In fact, at age 11, her mother actually instructed her in exactly HOW to have an eating disorder, which is more the point. They co-restricted, rejoiced together in how little they ate, almost competing in how few calories they might consume in a day, and monitored Jennette’s weight together as a mutual obsession. Her weight became a measure of how “good” she was, in every way possible. And this is how she learned to define herself, her weight truly defined her.

If you’ve read any of my other entries in this blog, you’ll know that this is not the usual genre that I read. I do not generally read about TV or pop stars. But this memoir had its own merits, not because of how famous Jennette is but more because of what she endured and what she fought to overcome. She is an admirable young woman and I hope that she continues to fight the good fight. I hope she succeeds in finding who she is underneath it all.

In the Dream House by Carmen Maria Machado

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

In this memoir, Machado shares her experience of a relationship with a beautiful woman that begins as dream-like and erotic and devolves into terrifying and abusive. Through a course of poetic essays, with the Dream House imagery as theme, she portrays how she is entranced, then entrapped, and then, finally, enraged enough to free herself from the woman who has gripped her heart and fractured it in two.

This is, apparently, one of the rare portrayals of queer relationship violence/abuse that is documented by literary means. While books about heterosexual abuse abound, the queer community has been more silent on this topic. It is not uncommon for a marginalized community to feel a loyalty such as this, to hold itself to a higher standard, to try to appear to have achieved a higher ideal. Doing so is an understandable way to try to protect those in the community from further criticism, because, surely, they receive enough as it is. However, by doing so, it denies those who identify as queer as having others believe them , understand their plight, and have others who openly support and identify with them when it does occur. And spousal abuse/relationship abuse can happen to anyone – anyone is vulnerable, no matter your gender identity, your sexual preference, your race, your religion, your ability, your size. This is the harsh reality.

The writing here is poetic and ethereal. The image of the Dream House as both positive and negative images captures the internal struggle of the victim of abuse and the subsequent gaslighting. There can be so much wonder and love and light, but there is also so much darkness and hatred and doom – and it can change in a heartbeat from one extreme to the other. The victim walks on eggshells, constantly apologizing for her own existence. She feels she must have brought this on herself, she must deserve what is happening, because, really, what else could it be? How could someone love her so much in one moment but then hate her so much in another? Maybe if she just acts better, IS better, she can make it right. But of course, it is not her – it is her abuser who is at fault. This is so painfully hard to see when you are in it.

Machado has very generously opened her heart to us. I hope that others come forward with their stories as well in order to create the supportive community that is necessary to acknowledge that this can happen to anyone, queer or otherwise.

 

 

Shrill by Lindy West

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

In this memoir, Lindy West shares her alternatingly traumatic and triumphant experiences as a feminist writer venturing into online journalism. Because she is also fat (her self-description), she also becomes a target in our fat-phobic, one-size-fits-all-definition-of-beauty society and is branded by trolls with repulsive vitriol. When she tries to stand up, for example, against comedians who use rape as a topic for jokes (which is about as funny to most women as I imagine Putin is to most Ukrainians right now), she gets accosted online by the most offensive trolls imaginable, with comments liked by some of her friends. (It is pathetic how quick people are to take sides against those who are perceived as vulnerable.) Lucky for women, she is a strong, smart, and good-hearted person who rises above and sees the forest for the trees, speaking out for all of us. She proceeds to make history in her accomplishments, one troll at a time.

This book is replete with paradoxes. West is vulnerable yet powerful. She puts herself out there, stands up and stands out in a public forum, knowing she’ll open herself up to criticism – and omg, does she – but yet she stands up again and defends herself so strongly that she silences others to a screeching halt. She hears the noise, feels it, but does not allow the noise to infect the clarity of her argument. Despite feeling isolated, she thinks about women in general and not just herself as a woman. She also sees herself as others see her, yet she will not bend to their perception of who she is.

Some may find her story stirring, even jarring. We are not used to hearing women with loud voices. We are not used to hearing women be comfortable and secure in larger bodies. We are not used to hearing women stand up for themselves when they have strong opinions and strong minds, especially when they go against the (male) grain. But I know it’s about time we got used to hearing and appreciating them!

The Girl with Seven Names by Hyeonseo Lee

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

Born in Hyesan, North Korea, Hyeonseo Lee was raised, as all of her peers were, to believe that her country was the “Greatest Nation on Earth.” Indoctrinated from the time she was born to worship the leaders of her country above all else, she witnessed at the age of 7 what happened when one opposed the regime: public execution. But even while she felt the pressure to blend in and follow the party line, she noted that there were, in truth, stark differences in how people lived. While the communists sang about equality among the people, how their government provided for its people, Hyeonseo observed that a family’s social status determined just how much that government actually provided. In reality, it was far from an equal distribution. And while she was privileged to some degree, this privilege did not protect her family from political danger. In this memoir, she shares her utterly harrowing story of her years-long journey toward freedom.

If you’ve followed this blog, you will note that I have been reading quite a bit about various refugee experiences. All of them are impossibly harrowing, but none has read more like a suspense novel than this one. At every turn, this young woman and her family encountered unimaginable peril, always being on the verge of disaster and often experiencing heart-wrenching disappointment and suffering. They were constantly at the mercy of others, usually being preyed upon by corrupt officers and traffickers alike, rarely reaping the courageous generosity of others, even strangers. Most profoundly, once they finally did achieve freedom, they actually had to be taught that humans deserved fundamental human rights in order to understand how deeply their own had been violated.

The bravery and dedication to family demonstrated by this heroine is infinite. She is an inspiration to all of us, particularly in this moment when we are seeing so many fleeing their homes in search of safety. It reminds us that no one chooses to leave their home. One leaves only when there is no other choice.

I’d like to depart from my usual post and add a poem which I found deeply moving (shared with me by an inspirational leader for whom I am so grateful):

Home by Warsan Shire

no one leaves home unless
home is the mouth of a shark
you only run for the border
when you see the whole city running as well

your neighbors running faster than you
breath bloody in their throats
the boy you went to school with
who kissed you dizzy behind the old tin factory
is holding a gun bigger than his body
you only leave home
when home won’t let you stay.

no one leaves home unless home chases you
fire under feet
hot blood in your belly
it’s not something you ever thought of doing
until the blade burnt threats into
your neck
and even then you carried the anthem under
your breath
only tearing up your passport in an airport toilet
sobbing as each mouthful of paper
made it clear that you wouldn’t be going back.

you have to understand,
that no one puts their children in a boat
unless the water is safer than the land
no one burns their palms
under trains
beneath carriages
no one spends days and nights in the stomach of a truck
feeding on newspaper unless the miles travelled
means something more than journey.
no one crawls under fences
no one wants to be beaten
pitied

no one chooses refugee camps
or strip searches where your
body is left aching
or prison,
because prison is safer
than a city of fire
and one prison guard
in the night
is better than a truckload
of men who look like your father
no one could take it
no one could stomach it
no one skin would be tough enough

the
go home blacks
refugees
dirty immigrants
asylum seekers
sucking our country dry
niggers with their hands out
they smell strange
savage
messed up their country and now they want
to mess ours up
how do the words
the dirty looks
roll off your backs
maybe because the blow is softer
than a limb torn off

or the words are more tender
than fourteen men between
your legs
or the insults are easier
to swallow
than rubble
than bone
than your child’s body
in pieces.
i want to go home,
but home is the mouth of a shark
home is the barrel of the gun
and no one would leave home
unless home chased you to the shore
unless home told you
to quicken your legs
leave your clothes behind
crawl through the desert
wade through the oceans
drown
save
be hunger
beg
forget pride
your survival is more important

no one leaves home until home is a sweaty voice in your ear
saying —
leave,
run away from me now
i dont know what i’ve become
but i know that anywhere
is safer than here

 

Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

In this tender memoir, Trevor Noah shares his experience growing up during the final edge of apartheid in South Africa. Through vividly narrated vignettes, we learn about his complicated relationship with his mother, who is fiercely devoted to him and yet is independent, stubborn and vulnerable. We learn of his early struggles to find himself, and how he must battle against the vicious cycle of poverty that apartheid has inflicted upon his people.  

It was suggested to me to listen to the audio version of this book – and this was excellent advice.  Hearing Trevor Noah narrate his own story, in his own beautiful, South African accent and fluidly modulating to his family and friends’ voices and accents, is just a gift to yourself. 

Noah is a brilliant storyteller.  He shares his experiences with such warmth and humor, as if he is sitting with you in your living room, over a cup of your favorite hot tea – but as if he’s sharing his deepest, darkest memories, only with you.  He describes in colorful detail some of the most outrageous adventures and unbelievable experiences.  But even as he shares his joy and his pain, it is as if he is flickering a smile at you, as if to say, we can still laugh, even as we hurt.  This is how we cope.

You will be engrossed and amazed — you will gasp and you will laugh out loud.  Don’t just read this one – listen to it!  

It’s a “MUST READ” but more than that, it’s a “MUST LISTEN!”