Becoming Eve by Abby Stein

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

Born to what was considered a royal Hasidic family —  a descendant of the Baal Shem Tov — Abby Stein was raised as a boy in one of the most gender-segregated societies on earth.  From an early age, she knew she was a girl and when she, at the age of 4 years, expressed this to her mother, she was given the very clear message that this was never to be spoken about again.  Throughout her childhood, she rebelled, against god, against her restrictive society, and against a world that did not allow her to be herself.

This memoir was so detailed and heartfelt – until it wasn’t.  We hear about every moment in Abby’s early life.  Her journey from one yeshiva to the next, from one rebellion to the next.  There are very intimate passages, revealing her first love for a young man who is obviously struggling with his own sexuality.  This episode is quite tenderly written and the reader feels such empathy for these two who cannot pursue their love in the restrictive society in which the two “boys” live.   We hear about the details of the study in which Abby immerses herself, how she advocated to learn about law and ultimately about mysticism.  And some of the details about Hasidic life are quite interesting.  And we hear about her marriage to Fraidy, which is actually quite sweet and hopeful, to some degree.

But suddenly, when she describes Fraidy giving birth to their son, and all of a sudden, it is as if she drops off a cliff and, POOF! she is a woman.  There is little to no mention of how she disengages from her prior life, with the exception of an epilogue, which tells only of how she tells her father she is a woman. We do not hear about her connection with her child, we do not hear about she experiences the transition from her insular world of Hasidism to the outer world, we do not hear about much of anything else.  This I find unbelievably disappointing and a sorely missed opportunity.  After hearing so much detail, the absence of detail is astounding.

I did learn from this book, but I was disappointed by the ending.  On the other hand, I do hope that Abby finds peace with her family and can connect with them.  She obviously loves them dearly and they do her.  I hope they can find a way to see that she is exactly who she always was.

 

 

Funny in Farsi by Firoozeh Dumas

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

funnyinfarsi

It is hard enough to be a seven year old girl, navigating family, friends, and school.  But in 1972, a little girl named Firoozeh had to navigate a move from Iran to a suburb of LA, where she did not know the language, was not familiar with the food, did not have the extended family around for support, and had to function as her mother’s interpreter as well as find her own way.  Fortunately for her, her intelligence, her family’s support (mostly!), and probably most importantly, her humor, enabled her to adapt and do so very successfully.  This book is essentially a collection of her memories of growing up in this colorful family challenged by the immigrant experience of balancing their own culture and tradition with integrating into the society into which they’ve landed.

First, I have to say that this was a good, light distraction from the other reading I’ve had to do these past 2 weeks!  If you’ve been like me, you’ve done more reading about viruses and epidemiology and how pandemics can be mitigated in the past 2 weeks than you’ve ever had in your life – even if you’re in Public Health.  So I am thankful that I’ve had something like this to alleviate the anxiety that all of that other reading has caused.  I implore you to use this time for more solitary reading — it will be therapeutic for you and it will socially distance you from others, helping to mitigate the spread of this awful coronavirus.

As a memoir, this book was amusing and entertaining to a point, but, I believe, a missed opportunity.  Dumas did enrich her stories with the rich flavors and aromas of Iranian cuisines, ceremonial customs, and, in particular, her father’s often comical and endearing personality quirks.  And we did get a sense of the warm acceptance into the community her family experienced in 1972, which contrasted drastically with the reception she received when they returned just after Iranian Revolution and the American hostage situation. But other vignettes, such as those about her father’s fascination with Denny’s Restaurant or her uncle’s dieting fads were much less engaging.  While an opening into her culture was an opportunity, peeking through a curtain into their family secrets felt almost voyeuristic.

This was less a memoir than a collection of short stories.  As such, it was entertaining enough, but did get a bit old after a bit.

Not a “Must Read” but good for a few chuckles.

 

 

 

The Dutch House by Ann Patchett

Posted on by marjorieseidenfeld

Outside and across from the Dutch House is where Danny and his sister, Maeve, sit together regularly to digest their past.  It is almost as if going back to the scene of their childhood trauma might relieve them of them of the anger they harbor, of the resentment they feel.  Toward the mother who fled from them, and toward the stepmother who never let them near.  But if anything, it probably does more to perpetuate the ire.  But maybe that is what they are holding onto.  Maybe that is what is holding them together.  Maybe that is all that is holding them together…

I really liked this book and am struggling to write about it.  I feel like I need a bookclub meeting or an English class discussion to fully digest the symbolism packed into the pages of this story.  I’m not sure I’m wise enough to recognize and/or articulate it all myself.

The Dutch House seems to represent something different to each of the characters.  We see how Danny, like his father, has a passion for buildings —  the bones, the design — and Danny, like his father loves the Dutch House, and all its architectural splendor.  And it is home, such as it was for him.  His mother, like his sister, Maeve, see it only for its ostentatious gaudiness.  They shun it and flee it.  And when Andrea, the stepmother, enters the scene, with her pure avarice, she sees it only for the status it will bring to her and her daughters.  But does it bring happiness to any of the characters?

There are moments of awkward writing in this book, such as with the rapid shifting of time, when Danny and Maeve are sitting in Maeve’s car, at the Dutch House, later in life, reminiscing about their earlier days.  We find them there at sudden moments in the middle of the story and have to time travel with the author back and forth.  Sometimes it keeps the plot moving, but sometimes it is confusing.  Aside from these moments, though, the writing is engaging and the characters are colorful, sometimes raw,  and authentic.

I highly recommend this book, The Dutch House.  It will hold your attention long after you’ve finished the physical pages.