#dementia – kindread spirits

Nina, having broken up with her long-term boyfriend, finally feels ready to explore a dating app in order to begin to see who else might be out there for her. She feels as if everyone around her is married and having children, and while she is a successful food writer, she is ready for companionship and well, possibly marriage as well. She also feels this might be a good distraction from what is truly on her mind – her dear father who is becoming more and more forgetful, confused. When Nina has success on her first date through the app, it is a bit unexpected, especially given her friend, Lola’s poor luck. Max seems to be everything she is looking for – but is it for real?

This is an entertaining read – light, but substantive enough to keep the reader engaged. Nina’s struggle with her father’s increasing dementia is clearly her primary concern – and it is something I believe many readers can relate to, given how common this is. But this heavier theme is cleverly tucked inside the lighter issue of her dating frustrations (also common and relatable).

What I am also becoming increasingly aware of is this issue of ghosting. In our current age of social media and texting, fewer and fewer folks are able to confront problems head on. Rather that speaking a truth to someone you have a relationship with, it is more convenient to just avoid, go silent. I feel strongly that this is also utterly cowardly and immature. We as a culture need to improve our social skills, become more – not less – comfortable with uncomfortable conversations. If we are to forge true connections to others, we need to be able to say things that are hard to say and learn how to do so in a gentle and kind manner.

I believe this is a solid read. Curious to hear what others think!

It’s early 1980’s and Ada suspects something is going on with her father, David. She knows they’ve always been different – it’s clear from the way in which their friends/neighbors, Liston and her family, are so “normal” and opposite from them in almost every way. Liston’s children go to school whereas she is homeschooled. Liston’s children are noisy, socialize with friends, and are shown physical affection regularly. But although David is not like others, she adores him for his brilliance, his inclusion of her in his work, and the example he has set. But after a lapse from David during a social gathering in his home to welcome his new graduate students into his lab, Ada senses that things will be different now – perhaps forever.

This novel, while not as wildly stirring as the author’s more famous one, The God of the Woods, is a more subtly powerful one: it confronts the devastation of Alzheimer’s Disease, the early origins of the AI bot, homophobia, and what it feels like to be “different” as a child. Ada’s story is told in two time frames – one beginning in the early 80’s and the other beginning in 2009, after she’s grown. We first meet her at the age of 12, and are privy to reflections on her unusual childhood of being homeschooled and taken in as part of the workforce in an academic computer lab. She socializes with grownups, she only knows the parenting of David, immersed in the culture of solving puzzles, challenging the mind, science and nature. Yet she is beginning to long for peer relationships. What would it be like to have a friend her age? What would it be like to go to school? The thought terrifies and intrigues her in equal parts. Sadly, as David’s heath declines, she is soon thrust into the “normal” world and has to figure out a way to survive while still holding onto the David she adores.

The intrigue comes when David is exposed as not being who he has claimed to be. His story has always been that he’s a disowned heir to a famous New York City family, yet as his health declines, and his estate is transferred over to Liston until Ada reaches legal age, there are discrepancies that come to light. This upends Ada’s world, leaving her angry, confused, and feeling abandoned. What we learn about David is unsurprising and still devastatingly sad.

This is absolutely a worthwhile read. It is both a peek into our past and a projection into our future, written with both heart and scientific insight.