#joycecaroloates – kindread spirits

The Mulvaney family – Michael Sr, Corinne, and their four children, not to mention all their animals – are a boisterous, close-knit, and fairly prosperous family living on a working farm in upstate NY. Michael has worked his way up from humble beginnings, to say the least, and Corinne, who left college to marry Michael, prides herself on knowing exactly what is going on with their 3 boys and 1 girl at all times. And while she adores her sons, she takes particular pride in her beautiful, popular, and smart daughter, who mystifies her by the attention, the phone calls, and the friends she garners (that Corinne herself was never able to). So how is it that Corinne missed the change in Marianne, the alteration in her mood, her habits, even her appearance since the prom a week ago? And how would this affect the Mulvaneys going forward?

This portrait of the gradual demise of a family after a major trauma is tragic, heart-wrenching, and devastatingly realistic. We watch as their communication breaks down, as they increasingly close off to one another, drawing inside themselves, festering in their own grief, unable to reach out to the one who actually is the one who truly needs the nurturing: Marianne. Even Corinne, the mom, who is supposedly the heart of the family, desperately tries to be the glue tying them all to their beloved home. She is coming apart at the seams, fraying and caving to the weaknesses of the men around her, particularly her husband’s. Marianne’s vulnerability, her trauma, becomes her fault. As happens way too often, Marianne punishes herself and is punished by everyone around her, as if she has asked for this trauma. As if something she has done has provoked the trauma she’s experienced. (Which, of course, it has not.)

It is hard to read this novel without becoming angry – at the family, at the community, at society in general. Because this is the story of women. It is set in the 1970’s but it can be anytime, anywhere and it will be true all over again. A man assaults a woman and it becomes her fault, she gets blamed and it becomes all about the men around her. How it reflects on the family. How it must be avenged. How she must have brought it on, somehow. How she must be punished for it, ultimately. Because somehow it is her shame, not the shame of the perpetrator. (Why is this still a thing? It is impossible to comprehend.)

I believe the writing is a bit meandering, with quite a lot of extraneous detail. But within is a story for all time, an important statement about the past and current way in which the needs of women become undermined by those of the men around them. How a single traumatic event can impact an entire family for their whole lives. And how if we don’t communicate, face what is needed with kindness, compassion, and humility, we will never get beyond this hypocritical treatment of women in our society.

black girl:white girl

Generva Meade has come from a family who assisted with the Underground Railroad and who is deeply entrenched in the Civil Rights movement, and she is currently assigned, her freshman year, to live with a conservative, religious black roommate at the prestigious Schuyler College where her family has donated founding money. She is very excited to get to know her roommate, Minette, and is sorely disappointed when she sees that her roommate does not reciprocate this enthusiasm. In fact, her roommate, she finds, is sullen, angry, and a fierce loner – scorning white and black girls in their dorm alike. Generva is undaunted, however, and pursues the friendship in spite of the coldness with which every attempt at kindness is greeted. When Minette becomes the target of hate pranks, Generva is her staunchest protector, even as Minette ignores her help. And as the year progresses, and Minette’s situation worsens, Generva is also confronting her own family distress, with her mother’s unraveling as her father’s past transgressions are catching up to him (as is the FBI). The final incident of Minette’s tragedy pushes Generva to face her own past as her family faces theirs.

I rarely listen to books on tape, but this was the result of a very long car ride – and I’m not sure if that tainted my view on this book or not. It is a difficult story, both emotionally and technically. There are many tangents, that are later significant but that are sometimes hard to follow. The story is also steeped in history, shameful and bleak, and had many references to the attempts on the part of many whites who tried to help, but who expect more appreciation than they are deserving of.

The character of Minette is a tragic one. She is trapped between the world of her conservative, Christian, independent and proud Black heritage and the more modern, socially-focused black girls in her dorm. She refused to socialize with the other black girls just because they were black like she was, but this left her alone and deeply depressed. She also refused any help with her studies, even as she was struggling academically, which further plummeted her self-esteem. As she became the target of racial incidents, it became more and more heartbreaking to see how alone she was. Generva could not comprehend why Minette would continue to repel her kindness. It is not entirely clear if Minette’s ignoring of Generva is from a resentment of white privilege or just from her own self-absorption from depression – or perhaps both.

This story had the potential to be excellent, however, it feels like it tries a bit too hard. The nagging earnestness on the part of Generva that is borne of her own family history and connections and her own wish to rid herself of that white guilt becomes cloying, At least this reader/listener shouted more than once, “Just leave her alone!” It is unclear why she would continue to try, when repelled so many times, when she would have had other friends in other groups. Why did she need to befriend only this one girl? Was it the challenge? Was it because she was black? Was it because her family was so disconnected from her as she was growing up and that gave her so little self-esteem? Was it her own sense of guilt from her family’s activities?

If you are psychologically inclined, you might be interested in reading this, as there is a lot of depth here. But if you are looking for a quick, entertaining, light read, this is not the book for you!